Friday, February 29, 2008

love, friday

Our second pregnancy child would have been due today, had the pregnancy not ended in miscarriage last summer. I thought I either would breeze by this day without thinking about it or that it would be hard to deal with. I'm finding that neither is true today. Obviously, I'm thinking about it. But it's not hard. We love that child - and the memory of that child - just as much as we love Jackson and Amelia. But it's a distant kind of love. Sort of an in-between ghost child who gets to look on both big brother and little sister with love from wherever s/he is. We're not big believers in divine plans, but both Dan and I have faith in the universe and trust that things work out because they're supposed to sometimes. We're positively in love with all of our children. And feel so damn lucky to have had any time with them - these past two years with Jackson, a few weeks with our middle child and the anticipation of Amelia.

love, friday

6 comments:

Barbara said...

We also have two missed birthdays in our family. They are days that are quietly sad for me.

Take care.

Chris said...

Ok, I had a scary moment for a second, until I realized you weren't talking about Amelia. *hug*

Heide said...

Our first child was lost due to a rare disorder, but he would have been born on Sept 10. I'll never forget the horrible ultrasound when we discovered no heartbeat. We saved the ultrasound pictures and they are locked away in our safe. Someday I may tell my children about him, but not now. It's been many years in fact since I've even told anybody about this. I believe that I will finally meet him in heaven some day. Likewise, you will get to hold your baby too. In the meantime, Grandma England and all of your other dear friends and family are watching out for your baby.

Hege said...

The baby we lost before we had Endre, was due to the 7th of January. And I always think of him/her on that date...

Lisa Anne said...

I hold you in my heart, its so great you have such a loving and supportive husband.

My Amelia and I found a sweet pattern we want to knit for your Amelia, it may be too warm for her to wear in July, so we will make it roomy enough so she can wear it through the winter.

Rob & Maria said...

That is so sweet. I believe there is a devine plan and that things happen for a reason. Your little baby that could have been I believe is with those who love him/her in heaven and is having quite a splendid time. Much love to you all. ~Me